Insomnia self-portrait with bed hair and falling-off mouth (with bonus demon not worth facing)

notlookingmeagainBedHairMou

*black biro ( not looking) and watercolour pencils ( looking)*

I can’t complain about not sleeping tonight, as I had a great sleep last night. Also had a fantastic dream that as I lay in bed, a garden of sumptuous, jewel coloured satin and velvet flowers began growing upon the ceiling. The flowers looked like butterfly wings under a scanning electron miscroscope, but much bigger, and as I watched, they began growing faster and faster- extending down the walls in glorious stained-glass-vivid vines. It was so beautiful that I felt I must get out of bed and show someone. But then the thought crossed my mind that the flowers- now growing at quite a pace- might grow over the doorway- locking me out if I left….. or, alternatively- if I stayed- trapping me within this  butterflyflower garden all by myself, with nobody to share it with. As I had this thought, some large ants, (which were running for cover from the flowers) trickled down the wall, and to my horror, one jumped into my bed. I woke up brushing invisible ants off me.

 

L8 E-star

E-star-egg1web

Easter is never a big deal for me, but I’ve always liked the idea of painting eggs. They’re just such an aesthetically pleasing shape, and I love the idea of having nests full of strange beautiful eggsicles perched throughout my house. But the egg-blowing process always looked so involved and time consuming, so I never got around to it……..until now. This year, with my creativity gone walkabout in all the areas that I need it right now, ( it’s always the way) I finally got around to trying the egg emptying/drying/ painting process, just so I could feel like I was being *slightly* artistic, and… somewhat less melancholy.

Materials:  egg shell, foil, acrylic paint, food dye, paint pens, patience, mini nebula vibes from the E-star Universe

There are a few more that I’ve not yet finished ( I had to wait until I could buy el cheapo acrylic paints due to my good ones taking far too long to dry), which may or may not be blogworthy upon completion. Just like this post, they certainly won’t be super relevant insofar as the now-in-the-past E-star holidays go, but time always moves differently in my universe 😉 ( plus, there won’t be any bunnies or fluffy chickies, so hopefully they can just be ‘Art” )

Anyway ( god, I say that FAR too often), I’m really hoping to feel more inspired ASAP. I only feel half alive ( but 100% terrified) when the creative ideas recede. On the upside, I’m trying to learn some things on the piano* ( things which are way beyond my noob skill level but which keep me interested precisely for that reason), and fantasising about somehow acquiring a hang drum ( again…when will I learn that they are far too expensive for me?) so as to upgrade from my steel tongue drums ( which are honestly quite lovely anyway) and becoming the next Manu Delago. So I guess that’s good?

*old and dusty keyboard. But hey- beggars can’t be choosers!

Asrai

scarlypuddleweb

Little dents in the ground have collected rain and become portals to other places. Better places. Distant places. I peer in at them with fascination and that familiar longing.

I wave to the tiny people I see, but I know they don’t see me. They’re the same as the big ones up here.

Unobserved, I watch; breathe. I want secret things and I know secret things. I hold the secrets of nothing and nowhere;  mapping the periphery of everything and everywhere.

The Tap

Day 1:

12:30pm

Needed a break from the monotony of unpacking. Decided to go for stroll around new neighbourhood; check out the sites. On way out, noticed strange fixture on hallway wall. Have no recollection of seeing this during initial inspection. Utterly perplexed.

 

1:30pm

Didn’t end up leaving the house at all. Still weirded out by this thing; need to get to the bottom of it.

 

1:43pm

It’s just a tap handle. But that’s the thing. It’s JUST a tap handle. Completely isolated upon the wall; the actual tap component nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps builder was making some type of postmodern statement. Or maybe it was functional at one point, but renovations since made, and somehow tap handle was overlooked somehow.

But why so high up?  Have to get on tippy toes just to reach it. Were original inhabitants really tall?

Tap handle confusing and annoying.

Tried looking around the house to see whether there’s a tap anywhere without a handle which may correspond to hall handle, but to no avail.

 

1:46pm

Just read over all that. Maybe I need a hobby.

Time to stop obsessing over irrelevant crap and go get something done.

 

8:17pm

Am probably being neurotic, but tap handle is freaking me out. Was almost quaint and quirky during the day, but now that it’s dark, it’s taken on a sinister vibe.

 

8:30pm

Just read over that. How can a tap handle be sinister? I need to get out more.

 

8:42pm

Phoned Liam. He says not to worry about it. Says I’m being silly and that random tap handle on wall is hilarious.

Will Liam forget me now that I’m here? He didn’t sound that sad over the phone about me moving away. I bet that annoying April skank is rubbing her skanky little hands together.

 

8:46pm

Just read over that. Sounds a little catty. I can’t honestly say I’ve ever seen April flirting with Liam.

She is a skank, though.

 

9:00pm

Wanted to watch a movie then go to bed, but can’t find the DVD’s. Wish I could remember which box they’re in.

Nothing but static on telly.

 

9:48pm

Static was apparently long, boring, experimental film about getting pins and needles.

Went on facebook, but no real friends online.

Posted status update anyway.  Wrote: “Am I the only one who finds this weird??” With pic of tap handle.

No responses yet.

April has new profile pic. Of course, she’s posing in a bikini. Pic looks photoshopped to me. Caption says: “My hair looks SO bad today! LOL”.

Oh FFS.

Typed “Yes, it does.”

Felt rude and deleted it. Logged off.

I hate facebook. Maybe I’ll just delete my account.

Tap Handle is still freaking me out and if Liam’s name is amongst the “like”s under April’s PP, then I’ll know he’s cheating on me with her.

 

 

2:00am

Just read over what I last wrote. Maybe tiredness makes me jump to conclusions.

Time for sleep.

Maybe just one more FB check first.

April has commented on my tap pic:  “Haha, your a riot, girl!  😀 ❤ “.

“*YOU’RE”, I reply.

Then feel rude; delete it. Write “haha, thx lovely; i do try 😉 Love you! ❤ ❤ <3” instead.

God, she’s such a fake tho.

 

 

2:21am

Can’t sleep. That bloody tap thing. Is there a secret camera in it or something? Because I had to walk past it on the way to the loo again, and…I know it sounds stupid to say, but……I really felt like it was watching me the whole time.

Got up on a chair to take a closer look. Doesn’t look like there’s a hidden camera there or anything. It just looks like a regular tap handle….. except up high on a wall all by itself for no apparent reason.

Feel an overwhelming desire to turn it to see what happens, but am afraid of the possible consequences. What if built-in-wardrobe suddenly becomes flooded or something?

What if it was put there by spies, and turning it is some sort of secret sign to go ahead with something untoward somewhere far away? Like, what if I turned it, and the next day there’s an evil, sundried Orangutan with a basic grasp of the alphabet in charge of a whole country or something?

Ok, that’s a bit unrealistic. But why is it so…spooky? Is it normal for a tap handle to be spooky?

Maybe I’m going mad.

Maybe it’s just the stress of moving; the unfamiliar environment; the nagging doubts about the boyfriend situation.

I really want a snack, but I forgot to go shopping before so all I have is cereal and some bay leaves I brought here from the old flat. And that awful cheap champagne Tilly gave me.

 

 

3:13am

Heyyyyy

Tilly’s chm,p[ange not too bAD actually.

Watched stupid infomercialses and ate cereals out of the packet. Thinking about buying a motorised swirling spaghetti fork. Takes the misery  out of eating basghetti. Protects  wrists from RSI, plus playS  amusing tune while you eat! ( You know- the one about a meatball that rolls away) . SO cool. I’d never get sick of that. Comes with  24 free  gold carrots on a necklace. And if you buy 2, you get a bath mat that looks like a face.

NEED.

That guy on the ad  was sorta hot too. Kinda like santa, but when he was young and sexy. He can empty his sack into my chimney any day if ya know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge, eh? eh? ..I’m naughty AND nice, hahahaha. I liked the way he said  “Aaaaand, that’s not all!”. Saucy. I’d twirl his spaghetti any day if ya know what I mean.

Dunno wht i mean

Whatevers. If it doesn’t work out with Liam I’m gonna try for a beardy fella. Never had a beard.

Checked fakebook. Doesn’t look like Liam’s been on.

Took selfie of myself holding my Aries mug  full of champagne. I look actually pretty cute in my cowprint onesie pyjamas actually.

Posted selfie to Tilly’s wall with the caption: “Tillyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! Best moo-ving present EVVAAAA!!!!”

(Get it? ‘Moo-ving’- ’cause I’m moving, but also ’cause my PJ’s have a cow pattern! Hahaha!)

SEE, April? I can be sexy too! I’m sexy cos I’m confident, see? I don’t conform to ANY type of stereo- i’m above that- ijust don’t care. See?  I don’t care about being hot, therefore Im hot! My awesome personality is what makes ME sexyy. I am NICE and FUNNY and LOVELY person. So I hope you die in a shit lake you fuckin cow.

Liam dunna ‘preciate wot ‘e got ‘ere eh. Fuck ‘im! FUCK ‘IM eh!

Feelng a bit sick

 

3:20am

Why’s evthing so SHIT?

My head hurts an im thirsty andim just gonna bcome a NUN ffs  WHY r men so suprficioal and WHO putta TAP on my WALLs????!!! Focken STUPIF.

Nooooooooo chmpgn LEFT (or right hahahahahahaa)

I wnder if the ‘C’ on th tap handel stands fr “CRAP” instead of  “COLD”, and it’s turnd on FULLfull pressure and I don even know

Is not. Fwell off chair. Owchy elbow and head and hip

but no mattr – got back up turned it on to see if anthing happn.

didn’t.

Must go bed. Hungry, but. Wonder what happens if  eat a bay leav. Evrything ouch

 

 

Day 2.

11.00am.

SHIT.

 

12:08am

DOUBLE SHIT.

Not only do I have the MOST brutal hangover in history, ( and bruises everywhere-what the hell???)  I just realised Tilly has her FB wall comments set to public.

Drunk in cow-print PJ’s under a fluorescent light isn’t the most flattering look on me.

Tilly has commented “All class 😉 👌 “.

Liam has commented “Dork. Miss you <3”. Which I suppose is nice.

And of course, April has commented “10/10, WOULD BANG “.

Condescending slag. What is with all this fake nice crap???  All this: “how cute are you?”, and “such a gorgeous gal ❤ ” and “I’d go out with you” and “crushing hard…. </3 ” all over my damn FB wall and photos. And generally right after Liam writes something first…..Why doesn’t she just outright proposition my boyfriend right in front of me already?? FFS.

Heaps of peeps ‘liking’ this pic though. Reassuring to know there are people out there who actually appreciate a sense of humour, instead of just being shallow bastards obsessed with boobs.

What’s this?….Someone calling himself  “The Keithinator”  has sent me a friend request, and a message saying ” U R Qt. 😉  A/S/(hopefully 😉 ) L?”. In his profile pic he’s wearing dark sunglasses and a T-shirt that says ” SEX INSTRUCTOR- FIRST LESSON FREE”  on the front.

Ewww.

Another one. Calls himself ‘Big Donno’. Has PM’d: “If u need milking im yr farmer 😉 ”

Double ewwwwww. Wtf is with all the creepers??

Oh, crap. Just noticed that one of the pyjama buttons isn’t done up properly in the photo, and my nipple is showing.

So much for faith in the human race.

 

12:23pm

Pic deleted;  sleazy creeps blocked. Maybe I really will delete my account.

Sigh.

Oh well. One positive is that I couldn’t care less about the stupid wall tap anymore. It obviously doesn’t do anything.

Going back to bed for the rest of the day. Tomorrow is a new day, blah blah, etc. etc. The world will go on as ever before, and nothing really is ever of lasting consequence.

Laters.

 

 

the-daily-yakweb

***

 

T.I.P.P.P. (Things I Phind Phunny on Phriday)

Laughter. Is it better than sex?

I’ve always hated that question.

You can have a good laugh, and bad sex. Or a fake laugh, and real sex. Or a fake sex life that makes your friends laugh. Or a real laugh that makes your fake friends horny. Or electric sex. Or sexy electricity. Or drunken sex. Or sexy, funny, alcohol that’s powered by electricity. Or excessive amounts of chocolate, because they say chocolate’s a substitute for such things. Or a chocolate rabbit which, upon removal of its foil wrapper, has an amusingly phallic shape, which makes you laugh, because you’re drunk, but also leaves you oddly disturbed; causing you to ponder the Freudian meaning behind your laughter. Suddenly the lights go out. Somebody’s high-powered sex toy has shorted out the whole neighbourhood. Would would Jung make of this synchronicity?

I sort of forget where I was going with this, but surely these relatable situations serve to demonstrate that some questions just don’t have objective or definite answers.

One question I can with all confidence ask AND answer, however, is: Are funny things funny? The answer is, of course, YES.

So, in lieu of my own creative blog ideas, let me today begin a perhaps-regular-but-possibly-not-regular friday theme, in which I just talk about something somebody else did which makes me laugh and brings me joy.

Today, the laughter and joy inducing thing that I am reminded of is ‘The Micallef P(r)ogram(me)’. It aired in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, starring, as the name may suggest, the wonderful, exceptionally attractive, Shaun Micallef.

(Incidentally, Shaun Micallef has done- and still does- a bunch of great things, which I feel I should talk about…but I can’t as I need to stick with dis ting oim wroitin, roight? Roight.)

My favourite parts of this p(r)ogram(me) as a teenling were the brilliant physical comedy sketches in which Shaun’s characters seemed to be governed by bizarre, irregular laws of gravity. These still make me do one of those accidental snorty things that happen sometimes when you laugh really hard.

See below for an example of the thing I mentioned above this sentence. ( the comedy- not the snort. P.s. unfortunately, the title is a bit of a spoiler, so don’t read it) :

Or, if regular gravity and cats are more your thing, this clip from an earlier show  ( not the one I’ve been talking about, but a different one featuring Mr Micallef)  may appeal:

Note: I do feel a bit naughty linking a EweChewb video of this here, but my justification is that almost  EVERY comedy DVD I’ve bought over the last few years is actually due to me stumbling upon clips of it on The Internet first.  I neither watch nor own a TV ( those two facts being somewhat related), and rely entirely upon word-of-mouth and the interwebs to direct me to new laughs. But  lack of idiotbox or not, I am surely not the only one who utilises the internettles in such a way. Surely the worst thing that could happen here is that my linkage results in one or two new Micallef fans.  Either that, or your computer explodes and kills you the moment you click on the link, making me indirectly responsible for your death. Either way, it’s just nice to think that I may have made some sort of difference.

.

quotesie quote quote; photesie phote phote

waterlilliesbwmoonlightweb

Or  something.

Anyway, here are some waterlilies I was ogling – and photographing- on my extended break from The Internet. Maybe somebody out there will like it. I just have a love affair with light and dark and the interplay between the two. I love how variations in lighting can drastically alter the appearance of an otherwise unchanging object or scene. It’s like magic.

Darkness gives context to light. In all ways. It’s probably a predictable thing for me to say,  but it’s true.

Which leads me to my second offering re: the ‘3 days, 3 quotes’ challenge:

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” Carl Jung

Anyway,  I was supposed to tag some people to participate in this quote thing! I completely forgot that part last time. So what I’m going to do is invite anyone who happens to read/see this to participate if they wish. No pressure.  I think you’re supposed to do it in 3 days- one after the other. I haven’t, and I’d apologise for that (and for merging it with my drawings and photos)  but,  I’m pretty sure nobody is gnashing their teeth in extreme angst over it 😉

Insomnia sketch: Crow Knows

crowknowsWeb

*watercolour pencil on black paper*

Crows are fascinating creatures. They are intelligent, fearless, and hilarious. I rather adore them.

This wasn’t always the case, though. I used to find them… disconcerting. I remember one night, having a dream that a Crow was rushing towards me; trying to get into my house through my open door. I tried to close the door in time, but Crow got in, right at the last minute. I woke in terror.

My superstitious side worried about the implications of it getting in. It bothered me for weeks. What was it now doing- down in the dark recesses of my subconscious? What did it mean?

Over the years I’ve drawn my own conclusions  (and I won’t bore anybody with that here) , but the Crow dreams continued. Curiously, as the Crows became increasingly amusing and sweet in my dreams, I began warming to them In Real Life.  Now I’m at the point  where my Crow dreams put me at ease. I can’t help but smile when I see them in the waking world. They’re like old friends.

I’ll leave you with some footage of some crows playing in the snow. So bloody cute. Also, here’s a lovely little vid of a Crow snowboarding, just to illustrate one of the many reasons why I just can’t get enough of them.

P.s. For those of you interested in learning about how Crows think and behave, I highly recommend reading Gifts of the Crow by John Marzluff. I’m only about 1/3 of the way through it, but so far it gets an enthusiastic thumbs up from me!

P.p.s. For anyone who clicks that link to the book description, notice how before you click on “more”, the line “They mate for life and associate with relatives and neighbours for years.” has been shortened, so it initially reads: ” They mate for life and ass” .  I wonder if that was intentional……. Anyway, sorry. Immature giggly times. Carry on..

Tetrachromat sees (or hallucinates) a Mantis-shrimp strawberry

It wasn’t there before, and now it’s here- languishing in the fruitbowl, listening to Planet Caravan by Black Sabbath on repeat. Where did it come from?  Maybe it was there all along…:

waterberryWeb

*watercolour pencils ( with water and brush, obviously)*

I’m not as happy with this as I could be, but it took me all evening, so I’m posting it.