I didn’t like this particular drawing for while, but now I’ve changed my mind.

This was done the same night as THIS one, and the same reference photo was used for both, believe it or not. Of course, given that I didn’t look at the paper whilst doing the initial sketches, I’d be very surprised if they ended up the same.

*biro, watercolour pencils, posca paint pen*

Irrelevant: Most creative things I do in the wee hours when I can’t sleep. I do a lot of not sleeping. I never slept much, even as a child. I only sleep properly when I take a pill that makes me do so. Last night was one of those nights, and I dreamed that a small folk music festival was happening in my backyard. I’d just woken up, and was making coffee. There was a guy in my loungeroom looking cold, so I put the ducted heating on. But when I pressed the button, instead of the temperature coming up on the little LCD screen, I was instead presented with the cryptic words : “Brush the bun”.Β  I was vaguely amused for a moment, but then I looked outside and saw a tent, and realised that Loungeroom Guy had slept outside in the freezing cold. I felt bad for not inviting him to sleep indoors. Outside, a husband and wife team attempted to make off with my stained glass lampshade. The lady was super apathetic about the whole thing, and said I’d have to chase down her hubs if I wanted it back. I asked the lady what hubby’s name was. “It’s Trevor,” she said. So I yelled at Trevor to stop right there. He did, and we argued. I said the stained glass thing had a lot of sentimental value to me, and that he could take the stand if he left the shade behind. He didn’t agree, so I made a grab for it. He resisted for a moment, but then relented. We parted ways- me with my stained glass; Trevor with a new lamp stand- both of us in tears for unknown reasons. Then I woke up.



24 thoughts on “iRrEgUlAr

  1. These are so cool! I’m glad you saw sense on this one. I really like the combination of slightly muted colour and bubbly background.

    ‘Brush the bun’ sounds as if it’s come straight from that funny UK place map! I’m relieved you caught up with Trevor. Last night I remember I was some sort of chaperone for the wrestler AndrΓ© the Giant, who for some reason was in my grandparents’ house in a HUGE recliner, and then in my middle school, hiding in the toilets. Funny!

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    • Why thankyou! The background was an afterthought. It kinda looks like a pattern that you might find on a shirt that people in the 70’s might have worn…hopefully!

      Haha! Totally. “So where do you live?” ” Oh, in Brush The Bun. Just north of Barton in the Beans”. Sounds legit!

      My dream was very boring- they’re generally more surreal than that- but super emotionally charged. Trevor and i were both crying at the end. No idea why.

      Ha! Well, i guess he WOULD need a huge recliner! I wonder why he was hiding in the toilets? Maybe it’s symbolic of you hiding your giant talents?? Like, you’re underestimating them or something?

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      • It’s definitely funky, especially with the style of portrait. I’d wear that, and I’m from the 90s! πŸ˜‰

        Oh my, the hilarity of all those names flooding back…

        Hmm. I remember another wrestler being outside trying to get him out, although somewhere mid-sentence this guy was addressing a different wrestler entirely. I just left he and AndrΓ© behind and went straight to assembly, which I was obviously hideously late for as the room was full and some lady teacher pointed at her watch and scowled in my direction. That’s a nice interpretation, though! I looked it up (as best I could) on that site:

        “To see a giant in your dream indicates a great struggle between you and your opponents. You are trying to overcome an overwhelming obstacle. Alternatively, a giant symbolizes an issue, a person or a feeling that is dominating you. You are having an inferiority complex.” Well, that could be applicable any day of the week!

        I tried putting in chaperone and various synonyms but none had an entry – the nearest I could find was ‘bodyguard’. “To dream that you are a bodyguard represents your desire to protect others from emotional hurt. It highlights your sympathetic and nurturing side.” Perhaps that’s come to prominence through the discussions we’re having after viewing Barbara’s talk? So, it sounds as if I’m going to have to vanquish AndrΓ© the Inferiority Complex before I can help people. Well, that should be easy! πŸ˜›

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      • Gawd, you make me feel old, there. I am totally from the 70’s…well, was a bubby in the late 70s! And a teenageer in the 90’s, so i’m gonna say i’m from the 90’s too! So there. πŸ˜‰ I definitely prefer the piccy with the pattern, though. With any luck it gave the pic a little more ‘Sydness”.

        They were pretty great names! Very silly and hard to believe, and therefore excellent πŸ™‚

        Yeah, i’d see a giant as symbolic of something intimidating or overwhelming. I’ve heard it said that houses are symbolic of the self, and different rooms represent different aspects. I always go with feelings first and foremost before specific symbols though ( unless they seem immediately obvious, of course). Like, did you feel worried, or was it amusing?

        Yeah, i can relate to that! I’ve been confronted with some *stuff* after that vid, too. There’s that desire to connect, but also that feeling that i don’t have anything to offer anybody. I’ve become so used to nobody needing or wanting me that it feels almost…presumptuous? to kinda put myself out there as a connection. If that makes sense. It’s silly, because look at the “Ronnie” story! ( still makes me laugh). And a lot of my own isolation has been self imposed, really. I don’t know. All my positivity from the other day seems to have faded today, and i’m just back to feeling sad and lost. Maybe we need to seek out one of these groups and state our “impossible wish”! Enlist some help to remove these giants!!

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      • Haha – well, I’m from 1992, so the very early 90s, if that’s any consolation. πŸ˜‰ Sometimes I wish I were around ten or twenty years prior, though, ’cause it seems like a lot of the things I enjoy were in their pomp back then. But I’m sure there are many, many pros of today that I’m taking for granted. Still though, it’d certainly be interesting to see how I’d fare without all this tech!

        Thinking about it some more, I’m wondering if AndrΓ© was actually a positive; I mean, I was looking after a giant. A symbol of the ‘giant’ impact that my selflessness could have, perhaps? It’s certainly more appealing than inferiority, even if less likely to be accurate…

        Sorry to hear you’ve had a dip. I have that kind of feeling too – as if this is just how it’s meant to be and anything else is going against that. I’m partially if not completely responsible for losing so many of my dearest friends. But I’ve always clung onto the idea that whenever change comes, all the sadness and grief will be worth it. Which, I guess, it will. πŸ™‚ I think that’s probably exactly what we have to do – far easier said than done, as we well know, but she was right; it is the key. If Ronnie can manage it… Perhaps that theatre group you mentioned a while back is an option someday? I just know they’d adore you!

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      • Yeah, it seems as though most people have this kinda nostalgia for eras they missed out on. I always found myself wishing to be a teenager/ young adult during the late 60’s/early 70’s. I think that’d be a place where i would’ve fit in πŸ˜‰ Yes, it’s strange to think how much tech greeted everyone born in the 90’s and beyond. The internet wasn’t a thing when i was a kid/ teen. I remember how weird and exciting it was when in late highschool our library got the internet πŸ™‚ Our fam didn’t even have a computer in the house until the year i left home ( so, 18. Meaning entire highschool life without internet!). I didn’t even have a computer of my own until i was about 27! I’m pretty sure i made a lot of things and was a lot more productive pre-computer….the internet is way too great a procrastination aid!

        Yeah, my personal opinion tends to lean to a more positive side. I suspect it’s your personal power that’s hiding away; like you’re afraid to harness or claim it- or maybe even acknowledge it to some extent?

        It’s just one of those things that happens, i guess. It’s my birthday soon, and i always feel pretty low just before my berfdee. Another year older and no successes in any area; i’m past my prime etc etc. Getting dangerously close to 40 :*(…and nothing to show for it. Just one failure after another. I guess when i was young i’d never have imagined i’d end up such a non-event.I dunno. Just feeling emo in general, haha. I miss having interesting friends; people to jam with; etc. Romance! Adventure! All that stuff that i’m probably too old for now. Like, is this all i have to look forward to now? More of this mediocrity? Sigh. Sorry. I’m just tired and over everything. Anyway. On the bright side, i played guitar for hours last night! Yay! That hasn’t happened in many millenia. Feeling quite musical again lately. It’s something.

        Well i hope that change comes for you ASAP! And you’re right- it WILL make it all worth it. You’re so young, and have heaps of awesome things ahead of you πŸ™‚

        I think our motto should be “If Ronnie can do it..”! πŸ˜‰

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      • You do wonder on that, don’t you! I guess it’s also ’cause I seem to connect so much better with older people, while with my own lot I’m generally hopeless.

        Getting online was such an exciting moment! And it was before it took over our lives. We got a computer when I was five, and the internet when I was about seven. I don’t remember being allowed to surf for years – mostly because my brother was on it all day. Ah, that sound of dial-up, though. πŸ˜‰ And having rows with whoever needed to use the phone…

        Hmm, how I know this feeling :/ No need to apologise. I get that way myself, especially in the run-up to birthdays; it’s being pressured to celebrate that does it, I think. You are not too old for any of that stuff, though!! Another blogger friend of mine, Charlie (, features guest watercolour artists most days. The amount of them who say they didn’t embrace art until their forties or fifties is quite reassuring, especially when you see how bloody good they are. Charlie himself didn’t paint for twenty years before starting his blog. And the ‘doomed’ chap I’ve mentioned a couple of times? He didn’t start painting until a similar age. So many alike. There’s still bags of time for opportunity and change to come a-knockin’.

        It’s a brilliant motto, though! That, and keep on rockin’!

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      • Yeah, i relate to that. Well, i DID. As a youngling i preferred the company of older people. But now that i’m considered “old”, i think i gravitate towards younger people. Although i’m in a kinda no-man’s-land atm, as most people my age seem so conventional and boring ( around here, at least, anyway), and i just can’t relate to them. But there’s a wall between me and the younger ones, due to me being a parent and stuff. It’s something most of them can’t relate to, seeing as most of them don’t have kids. You wouldn’t think it’d make a difference, but becoming a parent does change your whole outlook on life. And i’m over all the partying etc etc. Been there, done that. I dunno. Maybe one day i’ll just get used to the idea of being a misfit. It feels pretty fucked at the moment though. I’m trying really hard to keep it together. Not coping terribly well at the moment. I’d love to just jump off this planet into a new reality. I’ve had enough.

        Sorry. I’m not much fun at the moment.

        Oh gosh, i remember that dial-up noise. And needing to use the phone when a flatmate was on the internet. Grrr! Those were the days…

        Oh totally; a lot of artists start out at an older age. A lot start when they retire, too. Thing is, most of them have actually achieved other things in their life by that point, so they can feel excited about a new chapter. I don’t feel excited. Just exhausted. I dunno. Sorry for the negfest. I just feel as though maybe i should accept reality, and *try* to come to terms with the fact that nobody is ever gonna care. I’m eternally mediocre, and if that wasn’t the case, i would’ve done something substantial by now. Even if i suddenly became talented and awesome, i doubt anybody would notice anyway, seeing as single mothers are largely invisible. Hell, even just women who aren’t in their 20’s are invisible. That’s the way our shallow little society works. It’s all about the superficial.

        Anyway. Sorry again. Chances are i’ll delete this comment when i see it later. I probably should just shut the fuck up when i’m feeling low. But at the same time, if i bottle this stuff up, i’ll only feel worse. I’m just so tired of this cycle from utter glee to utter hopelessness with no points of clarity in between. If more of this is all i have to look forward to, then i don’t see much point in being here at all. My kid anchors me to this world, of course, so i guess i’m stuck.
        One positive from this is that you can look to me to see how NOT to become. Don’t end up like me! I may have completely fucked up my life, but you still have a chance to live your dreams. Grasp those giants by the ears and march them into the light! Easier said than done, i know πŸ˜‰ But infinitely easier than being 10 years on and regretting that you didn’t….i believe in you and i know you can do it! *hugs*

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      • I think I’m a little intimidated by young people. Is that ridiculous? Probably. But jeez, they seem so clever, far more so than I was at their age. And I think, with my insecurities, anxieties or whatever I’m calling it this week, I naturally gravitate toward older people for a sense of security.

        At the risk of adding bucket-loads to the negfest: this is, I’m positive, a great deal of my problem. I don’t actually know what my real dream/purpose is. Everyone else from school has gone out chasing theirs, but I’ve never had one. Not really. I just ran with whatever I did OK at, and, when taken to the next level, I failed across the board. So I don’t know what to do or where to go anymore, ’cause it seems like anything I could do to a reasonable level has been crossed off the list. I think I seriously screwed myself over/up by not going to the doctor at fifteen or sixteen, like I kept telling myself I should. I mean, I saw this nothing future from ten years away. I’ve no bigger regret than doing nothing about it at that early stage.

        Sigh – so, as you can see, much as I’d love to do that, and as much as I love you for trying to push me, I’m afraid I’m apparently just as lost as you are… What a pair we are.

        Don’t apologise. You can always throw this stuff my way – even if I’m useless at responding, because I seem to be in much the same boat. At least we’re venting to another who can sort of understand, I suppose. For what it’s worth, you definitely aren’t invisible to me – even if you kind of are πŸ˜‰ – and I’m SO glad you’re in this reality. X

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      • It’s not ridiculous. Honestly, i hear some of the stuff my own kid comes out with, and it blows me away. The fact is that, thanks to The Internet, they’ve been exposed to a shitload of information that we had no access to at their age. I mean, you’re younger than me, and i see it just in the way you articulate things; your knowledge of the world; etc etc. I feel dumb a lot of the time- it’s a massive insecurity of mine, so i get where you’re coming from. I do try to bear in mind, however, that knowledge does not = common sense/ intelligence. I was listening to a story yesterday of a lawyer ( you have to be pretty “smart” to be a lawyer, right?) who died while doing his party trick: hurling himself into the window of his most-definitely-NOT-ground-floor- office. Predictably, he fell to the ground, and did not survive. It’s very sad, but also a very undignified way to go. I’m not sure why this example jumps out, but i’ve honestly met SO many apparently “smart” people, who do incredibly stupid things. Because, at the end of the day, they’re human, and subject to human flaws just like anybody else…regardless of education level or *intellect* ( which is quite different to intelligence, i feel. Or, at least only one tiny aspect of it).
        But yeah, i feel ya.

        Please don’t blame yourself for not seeking help as a teenager. When you’re a teen, it’s hard to know what’s supposed to feel “normal”. Also- and this is something that i feel isn’t acknowledged enough- when you’re in the grips of depression, you actually need help to GET help. Depression robs you of the very motivation and basic functioning required to actually SEEK help. And, even though help is out there, sometimes you have to jump through several hoops in order to access it. When you’re depressed, you just don’t have it in you to do any jumping. And if you don’t have a supportive family or network of friends it is even harder :/

        I’m even more sorry to have spewed out all this stuff now; it’s probably all sorts of triggering, and it’s irresponsible of me not to have considered this. I’m sorry. I do also know, however, that because you DO understand, you’re not standing in judgement. Whaddya do. Talking about this stuff seems like a “fucked it you do/ fucked if you don’t” type thing, huh.

        Fanx, mate. And backatcha. I’m hoping for some sort of miracle to visit us both- and everyone going through this crap, tbh- and release us from this cycle. It gets so bloody exhausting after a while. We just need some nice things to happen! xx

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