something in the air…

0headachecroppednight

There must be something in the air at the moment, because no less than three of the blogs I follow here have posted today about the subject of depression and the associated crappy feelings that occur when it begins sneaking up again.

I won’t go into vivid detail about my own stuff right now. Those who know, already know. What goes up must come down, and I have to admit that I’ve had a good run of silly moods over the last few weeks, so this crash was inevitable. It will end, and I will be OK. The real me lurks somewhere in between the amplified neon version and the washed out sepia one. She’s elusive, but I know she exists. I will stop calling myself awful names, and I will feel positive and clear again, as I have done before. That knowledge helps already.

The artwork above is not new; I drew this a few years ago. But it does accurately illustrate how I’ve been feeling today ( ie. GRRR!), so here it is! People who have perused my art page will have already seen it, but most likely many won’t have done- especially if they’re “read it from the reader feed(er)” kinda people. So hopefully this will be new to one or two humans out there.

Sending a massive cyber hug to anyone feeling low at the moment. ( And yes, I know; a cyber hug is about as useful to a depressed person as an offer to eat a beret is to somebody suffering from vertigo. However, I’m hoping that my cyber hug has a touch of magick about it, and will somehow- on its way through the ether to you- convert into a real live one from someone lovely. )

 

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34 thoughts on “something in the air…

  1. How I love your drawings. Seriously gripping art (and those teeth are absolutely amazing!) This says so much – all those folds are a frightful headache but also kinda beautiful.

    Ha, I think cyber hugs are underrated. πŸ™‚ The reminder that we aren’t alone does good, I think, even if it does come in pixels. Definite value there. Cyber hugs back atcha, and indeed to anyone else reading. Cyber group hug! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, fanx so much- for the nice compliments on the artings, and for the cyber hug. I really do like the think that somehow they WILL convert to real ones via someone awesome. Here’s hoping. Yes, group cyber hugs all-round! ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re quite welcome! I’m ashamed to say I hadn’t looked at that art page before. What a treat. I kinda want ‘Crowstalline’ as a tattoo… curious, as I’ve never wanted a tattoo in the slightest! What have you done? πŸ˜› A few on there I could see making cracking body art, or clothing patterns, or anything at all, really. Incredible skills!

        Here’s hoping! I’m converting mine into a cuddle with my cat at this moment. He’s not a person, but is pretty awesome!

        Liked by 1 person

      • No shame in not seeing it before πŸ˜‰ Aww, i’m seriously flattered that anybody would want my humble scrawls upon their person! Thankings for the luvverly complimentaries!
        Cat cuddles are the bestest! My dear kitty is not super cuddly, but as soon as i’m feeling low, he seems to know, and will then snuggle up to me with uncharacteristic care and concern. It’s so cute, and really does help. Because sometimes that’s all you need, isn’t it- just a hug, and to have your sadness/pain acknowledged. Animals seem to understand- or at least sense that, whereas humans often panic- assuming you expect them to fix everything, when all we need- as The Beatles once pointed out- is love! Enjoy your cat snuggles πŸ™‚ ( and sorry for the ridonkulous delay in answering your comment; i’ve been having computer issues along with the other issues, but things seem to be going smoothly today! *fingers crossed for more of that, all ’round, for everybody)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Aw, it’s so touching when cats do that, especially as they do seem to have a reputation for being somewhat self-centred – it just proves it’s not entirely true! Dogs are great with that, aswell. Animals, eh. Unconditional love – what could be better?

        Don’t worry about it – I’m just thrilled to see you back! πŸ™‚ I hope everything is going smoothly!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, doggies are probably a bit better at it, admittedly. They’re such adorables >.< But cats really do have their moments. They have a bad reputation, but it's not quite deserved, is it? They're naturally nocturnal, so it makes sense that they don't want to be bothered during the day. The poor babies are trying to rest!
        Fanx a heap πŸ™‚ I'll always be back. Just takes me a while sometimes πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh yeah, I definitely am on the side of the cats! Leave ’em be, I say! They’re so amusing in their pomposity, it’s why I adore them. I’d love to come back as a really snooty cat, with a raucous yowl and big fluffy tail, preferably with human me or equivalent as owner… getting to sleep twenty hours a day, and then getting away with murder while awake (sometimes quite literally).

        Haha, you’ll always be back, and when we least expect it! Mwahaha *lightning bolt* Good to hear! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      • They ARE amusing! Downright hilarious sometimes. I have a little collection of photos now of my cat sitting on things i need to use. There might be the comfiest, cosiest of potential sitting spots in a room, but he’ll choose, say, the book i’m trying to read, or the paper i’m trying to draw on to plonk himself down upon. Even a stack of pens, for chrissake. That can NOT be comfortable. It’s just his way of saying ” How dare you direct your attention somewhere other than me! I demand that you notice me. No- no pats or cuddles, please. Just behold my regal beauty. ”
        Yeah, they do lead quite a comfy lifestyle, don’t they?
        Yes, i’ll be like the Scarlet Pimpernel, except less political, and not like him at all really. “They seek me here, they seek me there; those bloggies seek me everywhere…am i in heaven, or am i in hell? That damned elusive…me.” Rhyme isn’t really my thing, but you get what i’m saying. ( maybe) πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh goodness, yes! Oscar does this, particularly when I’m typing – he’ll settle himself down on the mouse. Actually laying on the mouse. It’s clearly not for comfort; as you say, it’s him voicing his disgust at this appalling lack of attention. More power to them, I saw, ’cause it always seems to work! They’re clever little beggars.

        Haha, ‘regal beauty’ is perfect. They were worshipped as Gods, weren’t they. Still are, really.

        Haha! Well, I admit I did have to look this up. But I get it now! πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha, they all seem to do it. They’re so cheeky. I love it πŸ™‚ Well, maybe i don’t love it quite so much when i’m trying to sleep, and Apollo ( my kitter) decides that he wants to sit on any part of me where there are ribs underneath, which he then proceeds to knead for half an hour :/ He’s a big heavy cat, too.
        Haha, yep! They demand it!
        It’s an interesting story! That little rhyme has stuck in my head ever since i watched the old movie as a kidly, though. ( the proper one- not the one i SO cleverly adapted up there πŸ˜‰ )

        Liked by 1 person

      • Apollo! Love that name! Yes, that’s what I love about them. They really don’t give a damn, do they? They just do whatever the heck they want. Admiration for that!

        Haha, I think my mum would have this issue with some of our cats. Oscar used to sleep on my pillow; he’d either arch himself over my head, or stretch out beside me and hog it, basically pushing me off altogether with his paws. He’s quite the old man now at nearly nineteen, and seems to prefer sleeping downstairs.

        It was fun. Not nearly so much as your masterful adaptation, though – as if it weren’t already clear that writing is your calling! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s a good name for him πŸ™‚ I didn’t actually name him though; Apollo used to belong to another lady, but her other 2 kitties were being mean to him, and she was desperate to find him somewhere happier…so she asked me if i’d like to adopt him. I didn’t actually want to take on the responsibility at the time, but my daughter begged and pleaded and did puppy dog eyes at me so i agreed to a trial. The very first night, I woke up to him walking over me, ( i’ll have to tell you sometime about the freaky Greek God related dreams i had before my friend approached me about adopting Apollo, too. Varee stronge…) and snuggling up to me, purring loudly, and i knew it was love ^_^ .
        Aww, Oscar sounds adorable. Wow, 19. A sweet old fella. Laughing at the being-pushed-off-the -pillow thing πŸ™‚ Apollo has only done that to me once, except instead of using his paws to push me off, he used his bum. Thanks, cat.
        Haha, oh CLEARLY, it is πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yay! Well, I’m glad Apollo won you over with his persuasive pussy powers!

        Yip, he’ll be nineteen at the end of March/beginning of April, I believe. πŸ™‚ Oscar stuns me, really. Some days I’ll think him quite frail and old-looking – he does have some issues with his kidneys which have caused him to lose a bit of weight – but then other days he’ll be hurtling around like a kitten, batting around a bottle cap or pen lid or some other junk. He’s still sharp, and, most of all, still happy doing his own thing. πŸ™‚ I guess he needs a bit longer to build up the energy, but I don’t begrudge him that at his age!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Aww, how cute. What’s the human-year to cat-year conversion, i wonder? Somewhere around: OLD, i’d say. Nice to see he’s still in touch with his “inner kitten” πŸ˜‰ That’s probably the secret. Puts me to shame, really. I often whine about not having the energy levels of my kid, but really, i’m 38, not 78! I must look to elderly cats for a reminder.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I believe it’s five cat years to a human year. I could be wrong on that, though. I used to hear that it was seven, but surely not – that’d make him, what, nearly 140? Still, you do see some sharp and sprightly centenarians, these days. πŸ˜‰ I guess it’s a similar sort of lottery for these chaps. There was a neighbour of ours who had a cat that made it to twenty-two. Amazing.

        Ha, oh, I wouldn’t worry; I’m twenty-five and I feel exactly the same, and I have the old cat to look to. I just end up wishing I could sleep as much as they do! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ah…..well that makes my boy in his early 20’s! ( i refuse to believe it, though. He’ll always be a bubby in my eyes!). I think it’s 7 for dog years?
        Wow, that’s a good effort, then! (22 is certainly a good innings for a puddy tat, too) .
        Well that makes me feel a bit better :P.
        I know, right? They sure know how to sleep. I don’t think i’ve ever heard of an insomniac cat.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha, aw. My mum says the same about me, funnily enough πŸ˜‰ youngest of a ‘litter’ of five, here.

        Ah yes, seven is dogs, you’re right.

        I don’t think I have, either. As a human insomniac who struggles to get more than a few hours, I confess I’d probably have a hard time sympathising with an insomniac cat and his mere twelve hours kip. πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hehe. Yep, that’s just the way it is with us mums πŸ˜‰ I simultanously feel empathy for my own mother ( but still annoyance) when she talks to my 38 yr old self as though i were 5, and my daughter, who i still accidentally call “bubby”, even though she appears to be going through the early stages of puberty ( *tear* 😦 ) .
        Dang! That’s a lot of siblings to contend with! And you’re the baby…I hope they’re nice to you!
        Yeah, me too! I think not having to contend with all the bullshit that human life entails must make for a less stressful life. I definitely want to be reincarnated as a cat…one who’s owner is completely cat- mad. You know; one of those people who sets a place at the table for their cat, and gives them their own 4-poster bed and all that. Ahhhh! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      • Aw, well, she’ll always be your bubby, so that’s fine! It appears to be a rule for mummies to keep using such terms long after they become embarrassing to us kids, so keep at it, I’d say. πŸ˜‰

        I am the baby, and there’s seven years between me and my brother, the second youngest. I guess that explains the whole ‘lone wolf’ thing, really.

        Haha! Me too. I remember my adoration for Freddie Mercury soaring when I found out that not only was he cat-mad, adopting numerous rescue kitties, but he’d have his chef prepare them special meals and, while touring, would talk to them on the phone… for hours on end. Weren’t they the lucky ones, eh. That’s cat power for you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • hehe, it seems so πŸ™‚ Oh, i will. It just gets easier and easier to embarrass le kidly these days. I’m becoming so proficient at it that i don’t even need to try- i’m just automatically embarrassing just by existing πŸ˜›
        Oh wow, i do imagine that such a gap would mean lots of time spent on your own because the siblings are too old to relate to. Lone Wolves are the besterest though. Because i’m one, too. Team Lone Wolf! (hehe)
        Awww, i had no idea that Freddie was cat mad. Talking to them on the phone and having a chef prepare them special meals, oh my god. That’s adorable >.< It doesn't actually surprise me at all. What spoilt little puddums indeed! That's lovely.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha. Evidently, that’s a sign that you’re doing a good job!

        Yeah, my three sisters were more like mini mums, really. That’s not all bad, though – they did spoil me more than they probably would have had there been less of a gap. πŸ˜‰

        Haha, yay for Team Lone Wolf! Puts paid to the ‘no I in team’ clichΓ©, eh. πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

      • I like to think so πŸ™‚
        Aww, how lovely. That’s better than being ignored, or bullied, certainly. I’m glad they were nice to you!
        Haha. Indeed. There IS an ‘I’ in WIN, and that’s what Team Lone Wolf intends to do!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The picture is brilliant, so much yellow tension in those teeth! I’m really sorry you are going through bad stuff right now, like you say it WILL end, but I’m sending all kind of psychic healing vibes your way to speed that end – not sure I really have psychic healing ability, but I’m scrunching up my fists and snorting so that should do something (those vibes have a long way to go). And yes, many cyber hugs too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thankyou. I was quite happy with that one. Often , i’ll draw something then really hate it a week later. It’s a nice feeling to still like something a few years on!
      Fanx heaps ; i know i’m certainly not the only one going through it. It helps to know that other people understand…even if it’s also a bit of a double edged sword, as you don’t WANT other people to feel bad. But it certainly does help for us all to be able to offer support to one another through such simple gestures as kind words and well wishes. I for one appreciate it.
      Scrunchy fists and snorting are like express post for the psychic healing vibes! I think i sense them near! And the cyber hugs aren’t far behind, either. Fanx muxhly for that πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Cyber hugs are better than no hugs so gratefully recieved and here’s one right back at you.
    (Short pause to allow for hug travel time)
    As for calling yourself awful names, that’s extremely common in depression. They’re an example of Automatic Negative Thoughts ( or as I call ’em, ANTS) and if you can, you have to spot them and disregard them. You dont have to listen to that voice, cos it’s lying to you. This is very easy to say but very hard to do, but it is worth persevering.
    Remember STAMP ON THE ANT!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, fanx muchly.
      And yes, so i believe. That’s a good name for them- and a good thing to remember: Stamp on the ANTs! Definitely harder in practice than in theory, but those negative responses are habitual, so with any luck, such habits can be broken over time with persistant stamping. * crosses fingers*
      Cheers for the thoughts; hope you’re doing ok.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. …when stressed, ants emit acid from their posterior. if harvested, say, by throwing a hanky on a pile of ants, then taking the hanky, shaking the ants off and holding it under your nose, that excretion it will help you breathing more freely. so there’s sometimes good stuff coming from shit! More thoughts on emotions? come visit me, keeping keeping a mug of tea ready for you and a cookie!
    and other bits and bobs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! I always knew ants had a weird smell…particularly dead ants. They smell of dubious lollies. I had no idea that stressed ant butt acid was good for the respiration. This is good to know!
      I do love tea and cookies, and bits and bobs. Thankyou for the niceness πŸ™‚

      Like

  5. My first thought is, what if the depression many people feel is partly to do with the zeitgeist – events in the ‘community’ of our global village? If so, my second thought would be, what would be the effect on morale of a collective push to rectify things?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve had this thought myself at times. I mean, although the depression i- and many others- experience just comes without an external reason ( due to clinical reasons, mental illness, etc etc), there’s still no way that the general atmosphere created by unfortunate ( to say the least..) world events wouldn’t be contributing to a sense of despair within the collective psyche.

      As for the collective push, we can only try! The problem is, not all are willing- or in many cases able- to gather the energy for such a push. We’re all fighting our own personal battles, and as awesome as it’d be if we could all become activists for the greater good, in the end we’re all only human, and not everyone has the stamina- or headspace- for that sort of fight. Even if we wholeheartedly agree with it.

      I personally think that if we could all learn to care about one another on the micro scale first, then change would naturally radiate from there. Probably sounds idealistic, but in order to be thorough, it needs to start at the core and branch out from there. It needs a solid foundation without any holes. I say this, as I’ve encountered people who claim to care about the inhabitants of the earth (and the earth itself)…but only if those inhabitants (or issues) are conveniently so far away that they don’t have to actually become emotionally invested in the situation. I’m not saying for a moment that we shouldn’t think globally, btw, we absolutely should. But in order for that to be really effective, we need to simultaneously work on our compassion and empathy for the people whom we encounter in our day to day lives. It can’t just be about signing petitions on the internet, like it is for so many people i’ve met :/ (And i know that’s not what you’re suggesting, either πŸ˜‰ it’s just that i’ve met SO many people who will only give a shit if it means that they don’t actually have to give a shit at all….classic example; an ex boyfriend who wrote anti war songs, but wouldn’t go to the police about his next-door neighbour being beaten up by her husband….y’know? If you’re going to claim to “care”, at least be consistent…)

      Anyway. Sorry about the convoluted, inarticulate ( and late..) reply. My mind is a little foggy ( at the best of times! πŸ˜‰ ) . Fanx for your input πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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