Mysterious competition of mystery

As the title hints, I’m running a mysterious competition. If anybody guesses the nature of this mysterious competition, they win a mysterious prize, which is so mysterious that I can’t tell you about it. There is also no way of knowing whether you’ve entered the mysterious competition, or whether you’ve won the mysterious prize or not. But if you do win, then you will win. Or you won’t.

Good luck!

Anyway, jokes aside, that was no joke. I want to make something cool and give it away- hopefully to somebody whose name I will pull out of a hat. Or to somebody small enough to literally pull out of a hat. Or somebody of average or large size that I pull out of a very large hat…..and so on.

The “something cool” being given away will be a little mini package of miscellaneous curiosities of a mysterious, curious, and miscellaneous nature, which I have crafted in my above-ground lair ( ie. pool*) . Obviously, this is a VERY good prize.

How to enter:

  1. Comment with your best guess at how best to enter. The most imaginative comment will make me smile, and MIGHT make you win a thing. Who knows? I’m a mysterious, sexy woman.
  2.  Disregard the first step and choose to play tennis, or sniff pizza or books instead.
  3.  Await results.

Now. I do realise how ambitious I’m being here, what with my posts averaging at around 3 views apiece. But on the positive side, that greatly improves your chances of winning. Plus, it means I won’t have any trouble fitting all the names into my hat** ( unless you have a REALLY long name ) .

Just to tempt all one or two of you, here is a list of example things that you may already have won in the future after you entered my competition, when time became (becomes?) nonlinear and crocheted up into a mothball-scented time doily on the antique coffee-table of the cosmos .

A:  a type of game- invented by me ( possibly unplayable) to play with your friends and family. Maybe there will be cards? Maybe round dice?  Maybe it’ll just be a sudoku only one square across. Maybe something very different to that. But whatever it is, it’ll be non-stop FUN. And VERY mysterious.

B:  Something arty, like art. A drawing, for example. Or some stickers I made.  Or an imaginary product I invented, complete with beautiful packaging, to distract from the disappointment that the product doesn’t exist.

C:  Something crafty, like a woollen testicle.

D: A little story, all stapled together like a miniature book, with a little cover and everything. When you put it with all your bigger books, they coo and sigh over the cuteness of the little book, but unbeknownst to them, the little book is…. evil.

Oh, it starts off subtlely enough. You get home; you wonder: “Where’s the budgie?”. There’s no way of proving that a tiny book ate your bird, despite your understandable suspicions.

Next day it’s:  “I thought I had two cats..”. You don’t want to think that sweet wee booky is responsible…so you put it out of your mind.

But when Aunty Mim disappears and you find her semi-digested walking cane by the bookshelf, you know you can’t run from the truth any longer. You make plans to destroy the Little Book.

Unluckily for you, Little Book is able to read your mind, and thwarts your plan to throw it onto the fire, by eating a banana and strategically throwing the skin on the floor by the hearth…

Unluckily for Little Book, you are also rather talented in the psychic department, and thwart its attempts by failing to buy bananas in the first place.

Little Book decides to take matters into its own hands, and goes to the market to buy some narnies. But the moment it leaves, you lock the door behind it, knowing it can’t get back in, because it’s too short to reach the handle.

Unfortunately for you, Little Book plans to eat you the moment you next open the door. You must now stay inside your house FOREVER.

Unfortunately for  Little Book, you’re a recluse who doesn’t mind.

Little Book starves to death on your doorstep, and you live out the remainder of your days a happy recluse/ internet shopping addict.

The End.

E:  An egg…. in the shape of an egg.

F: Laundry detergent that makes your clothes smell like you could be my uncle. Everyone will comment on it, and in a weird way it will bring us closer together; almost as though you actually were my uncle, and I, your favourite niece or nephew, or aunty. You’ll end up adopting me, and teaching me how to smoke cigars and build a Harry Potter themed model train station. What dear memories we shall carve into the tree-trunk of the future, which we shall look back on warmly when it becomes the past. etc. etc.

 

So there you have it.  A very clear and concise set of instructions. You know what must be done.

Note: You have 2 weeks in which to enter. If nobody enters, I will enter the competition myself, and await my announcement that I have won. When I receive my prize, I will devote a blog post to gloating over my win, and you will all be very jealous.

* I cannot be held responsible for any water damage your prize may have sustained.

** A cat ran off with my hat. Suggest an alternative vessel. An extra prize will be awarded to the besty suggesty.


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25 thoughts on “Mysterious competition of mystery

  1. This competition has made me really happy 😀 <<see? I'm going to have a think about how to enter, and I'm also going to reblog this (if that's ok) because it's ace.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, Lovely. I’m happy to bring the happy! It’s pretty silly and hard to understand, and ridiculous in the extreme when literally 5 of my 40 followers read my blog, but for some reason I just felt it necessary to create this post. I’m just posting whatever i feel like from now on, without worrying about how it’ll be received. Probably a tad selfish of me..but really, this place IS an outlet for me before anything else.
      That being said, of COURSE i’m ok with you sharing it around! I’d be honoured and flattered if you saw fit to do such a thing. Fanx muchly 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hmm, well, an accidental entry is still an entry ( there’s a cue for a dirty joke), so i’d have to count it.
      Fandabodoozy prize? Wait- who told you the prize would be of a fandabodoozy nature? That was secret! I hope you’re just psychic, because i’d have to deduct points for cheating….

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My best guess at how best to enter? In no particular order here are six of the best I can offer:

    1. I send you under plain wrapper ten grand in unmarked used fivers (the ones with a Jane Austen watermark).

    2. The time-honoured method of posting a message in a bottle. As the nearest sea to me is about forty miles away and I don’t know where you live this may take longer than your proposed deadline allows.

    3. Thought-transference. ESP I’ve found is a foolproof method of conveying intentions, musings and instructions. However, the only replies I get are messages stating ‘Not at this address: return to sender.”

    4. Tin cans and a length of string. I did this when we were kids. You just have to pull the string really taut, enough so a tightrope walker can dance on it.

    5. There’s a new-fangled thingy called ‘cassette tapes’. It seems you press a couple of buttons and speak and your voice gets captures on some really thin sticky tape (without the sticky) and stored in a flat platic box. My only worry is if my voice gets captured will I ever get it back?

    6. Carrier pigeon. Another problem though: they always fly off before I can check if they have a message for me. Do you find this too?

    Well, there you have it, my bestest entries. Now what else do I have to do? Excuse me, I’m exhausted with all this thinking, I have to lie down. Hope I’ve done enough.

    Liked by 2 people

    • These are very generous offerings; thank you! Any or all of these things i will accept. I’m pretty sold on the message-in-a-bottle idea. Hmmm….40 miles away from the sea, you say? How strong are your throwing capabilities? Or..could you strap the bottle to the carrier pigeon’s back, and get it to offload it once it reaches the sea? That could work. Yes. Yes, try that, i think.
      OR- we could do that tin can thing- you on one side; me on the other ( i’m in Australia, so we’d need a long piece of string) and get the pigeon to walk the length of the string whilst carrying the bottle. That might be more practical, mefinx.

      Like

      • OK, I’m off to catch that pigeon to strap the bottle with the message in it to its back (using the tape from the cassette) and send it along that string attached to your tin…

        Oo-er, I haven’t finished the baked beans in my tin, that’ll have to come first. I’ll get back to you when I’ve done. Hope you’ve got your tin ready too!

        Double oo-er: can you send me that piece of string first? Mine isn’t long enough.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Absolutely. I have a VERY long piece of string in my craft room especially for situations such as this. I’ll wind it around MY carrier pigeon, and have it fly over to yours, pronto. It may take a little longer than usual; the string is exceptionally long, and the wrapping of it around Spooks Freemason ( that’s the name of my pigeon) adds to his body weight somewhat, and thus,detracts from his MPH.
        On the upside, it should give you plenty of time to finish those baked beans. ( and me my peaches with little chunks of spam in cheese gravy)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thwack – ace! I shall have to sniff some pizza a bit later on. Gotta be in it to win it and all that – innit! – and it sounds like we can only benefit from partaking in such a competition. 😛 Haha. Great stuff, as ever.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sniffing pizza is always a good idea. Don’t forget to also sniff a book, though!
      Yes,the benefits of entering this thing are many! I can’t think of any off the top of my head, but i’ll definitely explain them in detail once i’ve thought of some.
      Aww, fanx, Jacobster!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Eggs ARE pretty eggciting ( gawd, sorry). I probably shouldn’t have promised that the egg would be in the shape of an egg. Chances are that it’d be more of a crushed egg shape after shipping. ( i don’t use bubblewrap, you see; i prefer soap bubbles, as they’re prettier)
      Never fear, for against your own better judgement, you have unwittingly entered the competition already just by the mere mention of eggs.
      P.s. I thought i followed your blog some time ago…but when i looked at it just now, i discovered that wasn’t the case. I’d heard of this mysterious sort of thing happening on WordPress before, and now it’s happened to me twice in one week. Anyway. Good luck with the editing. Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Niiice. Very nice fish indeed. I’m not sure i can believe you caught it yourself…..i suspect it’s photoshopped….but i guess that’s not the point. I saw the fish…
      now i’m a believer.
      Not a trace…..
      of doubt in my mind…..
      it’s a fish….(oooh)
      now i’m believer, you coulda heaved’er if you tried…
      or something. ( sorry, it’s late, and mind is tired)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Quite a crowd to compete against here, what with fish and tin cans; it’s going to be tricky. However, the whispering Gods have informed me that the Competition ruler (ie Siddie) is in possession of many psychic gifts. While there has been talk of other entrants using telepathic powers, it seems they have failed where I hope and pray to succeed.
    So In order to enter this competition, I have drawn a number of powerful sigils in the air and transmitted psychic winning vibes through the centre of the earth. I have gathered witches and warlocks to chant in an underground chamber, and I have sacrificed the string effigy of a goat. I have also watched three episodes of Deal or No Deal back to back while reciting to myself, ‘I am a winner, I am a winner’ (it was going to be ten episodes, but I started to get hysterical and had to stop).

    Liked by 1 person

    • At last, some darque magick! I do love a good string goat sacrifice.

      I shall seek thy sigils! Mefinx i see ’em in me mind’s eye, innit. And…the chant is coming through…! I hear them! “LAED ON RO LAED! LAED ON RO LAED”, say they. But who is ‘Ro?’. What is “Laed”? Only, i, keeper of bees know the answer to this question.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 😀 It might be a coincidence, but as a child I had an imaginary demon in my head called Ro, it could grant me wishes, but didn’t want to. Clearly its minions have taken it upon themselves to bring you the sigils. I’ve no idea where this will end up. Definitely somewhere darque, which sounds mighty exotic. Laed on!

        Liked by 1 person

      • !!!!!! Ha! Well, that’s a bit spooky! In a cool way 😀 Perhaps Ro is finally ready to grant you some wishes? ( *crosses fingers, toes, and eyes for you* ) .
        Yes, somewhere darque, exotique and gothique, i suspect. * cue mist, gargoyles, and Robert Smith’s hair..*

        Liked by 1 person

  5. you are my living lewis carroll.

    please i would very much like a like a woolen testicle, but not please an actual woolen testicle.

    i’m most excited that your above-ground lair is a pool. that’s prize enough for me, so i have already won so ha to everyone else. so nevermind the like a woolen testicle.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, besterest comparison ever, even if completely undeserved and hyperbolic. But thankyou, you’re lovely to say such nice things ^_^
      I promise to only make something that is *slightly* testicle like. How about just a plain ball of wool? This way, you can easily just see it as wool – prefect for crafting activities- yet the testicular nature of the ball of wool is implicit just by its name: “BALL of wool”.
      Ah, yes. Well, the thing is ( and most people don’t know this, as it’s a secret) i’m actually a tuna fish, so i have to stay in a pool most of the time, in order to evade the neighbourhood cats.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Shoutout: siddiebowties Mystery Competition – Blaustift

    • Aww, aint you nice?! Thanks for the shoutout 🙂 I wrote it as a bit of a joke/ nonsensical thing i’d wanted to post for the hell of it, but a handful of people actually noticed it, so that’s always nice. I really do like the idea of making something absurd to send to someone 🙂

      Like

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