It took a lot of effort to convince myself to draw today. I no longer seem to derive any joy from it, which is a shame, seeing as I used to do quite a bit of arty stuff ( here; let me prove it). Where does that passion and enthusiasm go, I wonder? Well, actually, I don’t wonder. I know very well that it gets swallowed up by the ravenous parasite that is Depression. It’s the reason behind my inability to reclaim/retain enthusiasm for anything for longer than 5 minutes, and also the cause of the dust on my guitars, the withdrawal of my friendship from others, and the panic that my options in life are running out; the day the last ship sails- leaving me behind for good- rapidly drawing near.
Pardon the Debbie Downerism in this space which I generally reserve for the convenient escapism of nonsense and absurdity. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to achieve from it save the vague chance that it will prove relatable in some way, thus somehow providing for myself -and the people who do relate- some sort of reassurance that the experience isn’t purely a solo one.
Anyway, this drawing may not have been any fun to do, but it is nice to have some sort of evidence of having made an effort. When effort is possible, it can’t be too bad. Sending my love to anybody out there struggling with similar. Lord knows we’re only really allowed to exist on The Internet ( and then, only in certain shadowy corners) , so the least we can do is acknowledge one another on this one safe bullshit-free corner we seem to have here.